Friday, March 29, 2013

6 days!

7 days before Jacob's section day, having our first BBQ of the year - Spring is in the air!

The hardest part of leaving home has been also leaving Georgia.  I look at the daily pictures my Mom sends me and she looks so big and grown up - did she look that big before we left, or has she grown up some in the past week?  She is in great hands with Nanna and Poppa, and she splits up her day "working" with both of them.  She helps Poppa in the morning, and goes to Nanna's work in the afternoon.  She'll be all trained for working in The Salvation Army in no time.  The good news is that she will be joining us in Toronto on Monday - only 2 days away! Georgia will be getting the biggest squish between us then - time for a Georgia sandwich!

Today we are relocating from Scarborough to downtown Toronto, moving into the dreaded hotel life...We've been so comfortable and taken care of since we arrived so it will be hard to leave here in a couple of hours to check in to the hotel.  We've put it off as long as we could - we've had two doctors advise us to move closer to Mt. Sinai since we arrived.  Finally, we'll listen :)

Jacob is still doing well, I had an ultrasound on Wednesday that showed his lower heart rate to be in the low 90s, with no fluid buildup, and everything else looking great.  Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers and thoughts. We have six days until the section and I am personally focusing on how nice it is to still have Jacob inside where I can keep him relatively safe.  I say relatively because with the heart block there is no certainty that his lower rate will not drop, but Jacob's fetal cardiologist at Sick Kids seems fairly sure that he will remain stable until delivery and through the delivery.  I'm trusting God and the knowledge of the doctor's that this will indeed be the case.  6 days! I'm as ready as I'm going to get!  


Monday, March 25, 2013

37 weeks!


Today Jacob hit the 37 week marker - I just wanted to share this picture - it's my favourite of the many ultrasound pictures we received from MFAU.  My big boy is full term, but hopefully staying put for another 10 days until we are due to be sectioned.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

April 4 is D-Day

Yesterday found us at Sick Kids from 7:45am until shortly after 3 in the afternoon.  It was another busy day jam packed with appointments and meeting different specialists.  We also discovered a 24 hour Tim Hortons within the hospital :)  Our day started on 4B with a fetal echocardiogram, and a meeting with the fetal cardiologist who has been following Jacob since January.  There is no significant change in the DILV condition, and while the Complete Heart Block (CHB) is a relatively new development we were told repeatedly that they expect the heart rate to stay stable in the 80-90 range it has been for the past month.  As best as they can predict, Jacob should be relatively stable at birth which means that the two surgeries can become one surgery and will not be necessary as soon as he is born.  Jacob should have a few days to grow stronger before undergoing surgery.  The CHB condition does mean further surgeries for Jacob other than the 3 for DILV.  His pacemaker will need new batteries every 3-5 years, and the pacemaker itself will have to be changed as he grows.  I feel like I can deal with just about anything as long as we have Jacob and he is developing and growing.  After that we met with the single ventricle care team who will be guiding us through the process after Jacob is born. 

 From there I had an ultrasound with the Obstetrician who will be delivering Jacob on April 4 when I am scheduled for a section.  Jacob is now in the 75th percentile for size.  We even filled out all the c-section paperwork so we are good to go! I felt devastated all over again when it was explained to me that I will not get to hold Jacob at birth, but may possibly be able to see him 1-2 hours after, depending on his condition and mine.  I knew that was the reality before the words came out of her mouth - but I'm still feeling unprepared - and quickly became a crying idiot in the doctor's office.  How do I prepare for that? I don't think I can.  When I pulled myself together we met with the paediatrician at Mt. Sinai who will be responsible for starting Jacob on the prostaglandin medicine to keep the hole in his heart open, stabilizing him and then transferring him to Sick Kids.

Jon and I then faced 3:00 traffic on the Don Valley Parkway to get home...that was fun :) After such a stressful day we were running on fumes by the time we got to Kelsey's to have supper.  We are both trying as hard as we can not to let the stress affect our relationship, but sometimes we just snap at each other.  Then we get over it and start again.  God give us the strength to be patient and kind with each other even when we feel we have no patience or kindness left.  We need each other now more than ever.

Georgia is doing fantastically well with my parents...She woke up this morning with pink eye but even that is not getting her down.  Thanks Mom and Dad for taking that huge burden off of our shoulders.  I can't wait to see you all next week!





Thursday, March 21, 2013

We have arrived!


Good Morning World! I am very happy and extremely relieved to be able to say that Jon and I are safely in Toronto, and baby Jacob is still happily in-utero.  This past week has been filled with braxton hicks (sometimes painful ones!), lots of pressure, and other details that I will spare you but are worrisome when you don't want to go into labour in Newfoundland.  The flight attendants seemed a little concerned every time I got out of my seat to head to the bathroom, but I constantly reassured them that I was indeed fine :) Apparently being pregnant gives you a free pass to the front of the bathroom line on the plane - that was a much appreciated perk!

Jon and I are settling into our home away from home while waiting for Jacob to arrive, many thanks to a fellow Newfoundlander for welcoming us and making us comfortable - Thank you Heather!

Dad - I really missed your "egg in a hole" at breakfast this morning.  Thank you for making that for me so often! I really feel the need to send a shout out to my parents - they came into town four days before we were flying out, and right around the time that I was ordered to stay off my feet for long periods of time, and took control of the chaos.  My daughter is happy and slightly spoiled, my house is spotless, and my heart is feeling reassured and almost ready for what is to come.  I love you Mom and Dad.  Thank you for being there in so many ways.  I'll never forget that moment just before I walked out the door to go the airport when my Mom gave me a long hug while praying over me and Jacob.  My animals are about to be well spoiled too, thanks to my wonderful friend Krista.  So at this moment in time I have nothing to complain about, and I'm feeling thankful for the good that is in my life.  I really believe that baby Jake will be coming through with flying colours and will soon be in his blue bedroom at home.

On Friday we have two appointments - Fetal Cardiology at Sick Kids and my Obstetrician at Mount Sinai.  So here we go - stage 2 of our journey.  Now to find the closest Tim Horton's so I can have my two daily steeped teas and try to win at Toyota.  

Thursday, March 14, 2013

A Baby Story

While sitting back with my feet up this afternoon I turned on a show that I have always liked - A Baby Story.  Today I found myself doing more crying than smiling during the show.  Part of this is now knowing that I am very unlikely to have a natural birth, that on April 2 I am almost guaranteed to be having a c-section.  The main issue for me is that because of the Complete Heart Block, when Jacob is born I will not be able to spend any time holding him before he is whisked away by the medical team to Sick Kids.  I've waited so long to meet him, and with the uncertainty of his first week of life with 1-2 surgeries I think it is incredibly unfair that we won't get to bond before he is taken to be started on his meds and all have all those invasive tubes inserted.  Another big weight on my shoulders is that Georgia will not be able to meet her little brother until he is out of critical care, which will be around 2-3 weeks old.  Georgia is coming up with my Mom and Dad when Jacob is born, and I am so thankful for that.  It will do Jon and I worlds of good to be able to see her sweet smile in the midst of such a hard situation.  But how do we explain to her where Momma and Daddy are spending all their time and why she can't see her long awaited little brother?

I am feeling supremely cheated by all of these factors.

Having written that, and re-reading it to myself, I also feel like I should not be whining or complaining about the entire situation.  Hopefully no one out there is rolling their eyes and thinking that I need to just get over it.  I know that we are blessed - baby Jacob is doing well and gaining weight and we just days away from getting on the plane that will take us to the safest place for him to be right now.  I know that we are blessed - our family, friends, church and community have rallied around us with prayer, emotional support and offered us a financial cushion that will make this whole experience much easier.  I know that we are blessed - Georgia is an amazing four year old who is healthy and happy, and looks just like her Momma.  I am so thankful for our little family, and for my wonderful husband with all his love and strength that supports our family.

But today, it all keeps circling in my mind around the fact that I may not get to hold my baby when he is born.  I know other Moms will understand this perfectly.  I'm getting up off this couch now.  Time for some distraction in the form of house cleaning, laundry, and if my energy holds - baking.  

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Jacob the Easter Bunny?

Through my many ultrasounds Jacob has been holding on strong.  His heart rate has not gone below 80 since the scare we had at the Obstetrician's last week.  The nurses think he has a full head of hair, because of what they can see on the ultrasound.  Georgia had a full head of almost black hair when she was born, and now she's blonde...Maybe Jacob will take after his sister in more ways than just having her lips and nose :)

It is now 7 days until we are scheduled to leave for Toronto.  7 short short days.  Jon and I are wishing for more time, as the past few weeks have flown by incredibly quickly.  All the major things on our to do list are done - the bags are packed, we have applied for EI, the letter of consent to travel for Georgia has been notarized, and so on.  But we are not ready - not really.  Is it possible to ever be ready for this journey? Mentally, I don't think so.  Tomorrow we are going to be visiting the paediatric cardiologist's clinic where Jacob and I will be spending a lot of time when he gets home.

And in other news, we now have a birth plan - of sorts.  If all holds stable between now and 38 weeks, I will be induced on April 2nd.  That is Easter Tuesday - the cardiologist called the baby "Jacob the Easter Bunny" when she gave us this news.  By that time he should be a good enough size to be a safe candidate for his surgery.  It's a little thing, as I know full well how easily plans can fall through, but it is giving Jon and I some relief to have a "plan" in place despite all the uncertainty.  Here's to the last 7 days at home...I am really going to miss this place and all the people/animals in it!


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Oh me nerves!

I'm incredibly grateful to be writing this post at my kitchen table, rather than in TO.  As of this morning my suitcase is packed for both myself and Jacob, and about 90% complete - just awaiting the next load of clothes from the dryer.  I had  my routine Obstetrician appointment today, and after waiting 1.5 hours in the waiting room the heart rate monitor showed that Jacob's lower heart
rate was in the 60s.  My OB called the MFAU, who wanted to me to come in right away for another ultrasound.  I was convinced when I walked through those doors today that this was it - we were going.  Heart attack time!

But thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, I was home an hour later.  Jacob's heart rate and fluid were back into his normal range, between 84 and 89.  The doctor was unsure why it dipped to the 60s but did speculate that it may have been because I was lying flat on my back when the OB listened to Jacob's heart rate.  Apparently lying in that position would lower my blood pressure, which may have caused his heart rate to dip.  Whatever the reason, I am just so incredibly glad to be home and  to have at least a few more hours with Georgia and my family.  Right now my nerves are shot - and I plan to spend the evening drinking tea, eating Mr. Munchy's and laughing with my sister.  Crisis averted, at least for today.

Friday, March 1, 2013

A check-up with Big Sis


It's been over a week since we received the news of Jacob's second heart condition, Complete Heart Block (CHB), and I wanted to post an update to let you know that our baby boy is a fighter!
I have had 5 ultrasounds since the diagnosis, and in all of them Jacob's lower chamber heart rate has remained steady between 80-90.  The technicians and doctor's love the amount of movement that they get from Jacob during these visits, and there has been no fluid buildup at all.  Jacob is holding on strong.  I will be 34 weeks on Monday and they will give me a new weight for him on that visit as well.

I now do my kick counts many many times a day, as this is my only means of knowing that Jake is doing ok in there.  I am also drinking multiple teas daily in response to the cardiologist's request that I caffienate...Yes, seriously, I have been advised to drink as much tea as I want as it will slightly increase the baby's heart rate.  For those who know me well, you know how  much I love a Tim's steeped tea...and now I get to drink as much as I want :) Still I'm only 2 in 11 for Roll Up The Rim...

This morning Georgia came with Jon and I for our ultrasound.  She is smiling her goofy smile in the above picture.  Georgia was fascinated with the heart rate monitor, and helped the nurse put them on and take them off.  At one point she decided she wanted to lie down too, but I wouldn't let her get into the bed in the next partition, telling her that it was only for Mommies with babies in their bellies.  Georgia's response - "I have a baby in my belly too." She makes my heart smile in so many ways.  Thank you God for my sweet little girl, who will always be my baby too - even when she's eighty :)