Thursday, October 17, 2013

Boring Blessings.

I have sat down to write a new post three or four times since we got back home to Newfoundland, and each time the words just haven't come.  I've been mulling over why this could be, since I usually have an over abundance of words available :) My reflective thoughts have led me to the conclusion that my 'norm' has been so stressful and eventful for the last 10 months that now that life has calmed down, my mind feels that there is nothing to report.  In other words, life is boring right now.  Wonderful, thrillingly, exceedingly boring.  Jake's medication schedule is down to only 8 med times a day, we see cardiology every 2 weeks, OT every 2 weeks and dietician once a week - this is a very scaled down version of the crazy life that we led before Jake's Glenn.  We are now spending much more time at home than at the hospital - yay!

The highlight of this week has been the appearance of Jacob's first tooth, which you can see poking through in the picture below:

The other highlight was meeting baby Sara, another precious heart baby who needs your prayers as she prepares to go through the Glenn procedure herself.  Please keep Sara and her parents in your prayers.

I have a birthday coming up this weekend, and I feel like this past year has really aged me.  Grey hairs and undereye circles are physical evidence of this.  The more telling evidence for me though, is the way I feel inside.  I feel like my heart has taken a real beating.  It's been turned upside down and inside out repeatedly by Jake's life experiences.  And he's only 6 months old! A wise Mom I met at SickKids has told me several times when we talk about the uncertainty of our heart child's future - "expect the best and prepare for the worst".  That's a really great summary of my life.  I expect the absolute best possibly outcome for Jake, but throughout it all I am always mentally preparing  myself for the worst.  Does that make me a cup half empty type of person? I don't think so.  I think it makes me phenomenally great at seizing the day and squeezing every last drop of joy out of each moment...without being naive enough to think that our family's struggles are over.  But for right now my struggle is getting up when the alarm clock goes off at 2:30 am so that I can feed my baby.  When my body complains about having to do this every night for the last six months I remind myself that there are heart parents who have lost their little warrior and would so love the opportunity to have to do a night feed once again.  As I enjoy my final day of being 30 tomorrow, I'm drawing on this promise once again:

Isaiah 40:31
King James Version (KJV)

31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

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