I'm alright with that.

Thanks to the Heart and Stroke Foundation in Newfoundland, I was able to attend a Heartsaver/CPR course offered free to heart parents for the month of February.  I've done CPR every two years for at least the last 15 years of my life but this time I learned more than I ever had before.  I'm sure of it.  In my mind, the dummy I was practising on could have been either of my children, and Jake was foremost in my mind because of the uncertainties of his little heart.  I'm thankful for the opportunity to do the course, but pray to God that I never have the need to use the knowledge from it.

Jake is working a new skill this week...he wants to crawl...Here's as far as he has gotten :)

Jake just finished his lunch and I'm happy to report that he ate two thirds of a banana.  That's my boy, all topped off with some cheerios :) Jake has expanded his solid food menu to include: toast, cheese, cheerios, yogurt and carrot - all in very tiny chunks and small amounts, but it's progress! On the liquids front there is nothing new to report.  I can sometimes get 10ml or so of formula or whole milk into him, from a sippy cup or occasionally a few sips from a bottle.  It's uphill work, but I'm not giving up on him.  Jake can do it, and he will - in his own time.

Check out this photo from this morning.  Georgia was playing in the backyard and Jake loved watching her:

 

Tomorrow Jake is having a CT scan instead of his usual monthly echo.  This is necessary before our G Tube discussions can go any further, and it gives a much better image of the heart than a standard echo.  This will be Jake's first CT scan at the Janeway, but he has had 4 at SickKids.  A MRI would be a better and safer option for viewing Jake's heart but because of his pacemaker that's not possible.  I have a deep seated fear of CT scans because of the large amount of radiation they place on Jake's little body.  A CT scan uses 10 times the radiation of a x ray, and repeated scans before the age of 15 increase the child's risk of brain tumor or leukemia.  The risk is highest for head CT scans, and thankfully it's not Jake's head being scanned.  But I'm not going to borrow trouble for tomorrow.  Right now the scan is necessary, and I will focus on getting Jake through that and hope for positive results.  If you are reading this and you believe in the power of prayer will you say a prayer for Jake, that the results show positive things heart wise?

I had a lovely reminder last night, of the wisdom of Psalm 91.

Psalm 91

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

The emphasis on certain words is my own, as my wonderful Mom caused me to look at these verses in a new light at a Ladies Night Out event last night.  As I have done so many times before, I'm placing Jacob in the shelter of the Most High, and in the shadow of the Almighty.  I'm feeling confused and disappointed with our journey to a g-tube, but it's all in God's hands.  Even more than that, the CT scan tomorrow and its results rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  And I'm alright with that.