Austin

Lately I have been finding myself thinking about Jacob's future...there is more than a little worry that accompanies any thoughts that go past today's timeline.  Only God knows what is going to be...and my worrying will not change that - but worrying is a Mother's territory, even with  a child with no health issues.  I have worried over Georgia since she was born, and now I worry over Jacob as well each day.  I am doing my best to trust in God, that my babies will be safe and get to grow up and lead happy lives.

 Last night I received an email from a perfect stranger who lives in the US.  I am feeling so thankful for the message that came through this email.  You know who you are - thank you for taking the time to write me that note! Somewhere out there is a 16 year old boy named Austin who also has DILV.  Austin has had the three stage Fontan procedure that Jacob has started, and is now a high school student.  Guess what Austin does? He plays football! He runs track and field! He plays recreational basketball! Austin's mom tells me that he wants to go hiking in the Grand Canyon in the near future - how amazing is that? When I read the email from Austin's mom it gave me such excitement and hope for Jacob's future.  This morning when I re-read the email it brought me to tears and caused me to pray over my baby boy - that God would grant him the opportunity to grow into a healthy 16 year old who has lived such a full life, and still has the rest of his future to embrace.  I don't know Austin, but I am thankful for him and for his Mom's willingness to share the success story of her own superhero.

Looking at Jacob now I see an adorable baby wearing only a diaper because it's the hottest day we have seen here in 17 years...I see his feeding tube, and wish he would drink...I see his scar that is healing beautifully and know that in a couple of months it will be reopened and I'll be able to watch his little heart beating inside of his chest once again...I see his reddish hair that comes from my Mother's side of the family...I see his gorgeous blue eyes and long, long eyelashes....I see his smile and how it lights up his whole face - Jacob smiles just as much with his eyes as he does with his lips...I see the long fingers that love to play with his own hair....I see toes that I love to kiss, and that tickle him when I touch...I see his skinny legs and arms, and wish for plump baby rolls someday soon...but most of all, I see a miracle.  I see MY miracle.  And I am so thankful and overflowing with love for him and his spirited sister.  At each visit to the cardiologist's office here I see a poster for a support group for parents of children with heart defects living in NL.  On the bottom of this poster is a quote that has become a regularly used part of my life - "most people never get to meet their hero.  I gave birth to mine."  Truer words have never been spoken.  And right now when I look at Jacob, it's not hard to imagine him as an energetic sixteen year old who loves life, is proud of all that he has overcome, is not afraid to show his scars to the world, and who is healthy enough to regularly play sports and want to hike in the Grand Canyon.  Thank you to Austin and his Mom for helping me envision that for my son's future.

This is Jake just about 10 minutes ago, laughing as I kiss his belly...Baby Jake, I hope you can find this much joy in life every single day of your life.  Love you, sweet boy!