Happy 1st Heartiversary Jake!

The Lord heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds

- Psalm 147:3

Today is the first anniversary of the day the healing interventions began on Jake's heart.  One year ago today Jon and I got up in the middle of the night and walked from Ronald Mcdonald House to SickKids to hold our baby for a few hours before handing him over to the surgeon to be operated on.  Thinking back on those sweet hours I remember that we always kept coming back to his perfect chest, with no scars or wounds, knowing that it would soon be wide open.  Here are two of the very few of the pictures we have of of Jake's perfect chest:

Today that same chest looks very different, but it marks Jake as a survivor.  One of the quotes I love now says: "From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story; a story that says, I survived!" Those of us who are Heart Moms are doing our best to have our children feel proud and confident of their "zipper", and I dream that one day teenage Jake will be baring his chest with pride when he goes swimming with his friends.

The 8 hours we spent in the waiting room on that day were incredibly long.  Being only 5 days after a c-section I was quite sore and swollen and as if the post pregnancy hormones were not enough, here I was handing my son over to stranger knowing that there was a 20% chance that he would not come back to me alive.  I spent most of the waiting time holding on to one of Jake's little hats, a white bunny hat, stroking it and draping it over myself as if having it on me could make me feel like part of Jake was on me too.  Only those who stayed with us at Ronald Mcdonald House during our two months there will know that I also slept every night with this same hat draped next to my head on my pillow and one of Jake's recieving blankets that smelled like him covering my chest.  Without these two items I was unable to relax enough to get any sleep.  Jon and I had Mom, Dad and Georgia for company during that long wait, and for that I am so grateful.

Then...after eternity of waiting...the surgeon walked into the waiting room looking for us...

One thing we have learned about Jake's amazing surgeon is that his facial expressions give no hint of whether the news is good or bad...and after telling us that Jake was doing fine, he mentioned that the surgery had been further complicated by the shape of Jake's archway, which made reconstruction difficult and tedious.  This same "difficult" archway would lead to Jake being taken into emergency surgery the following day, but at that moment we had no knowledge of that possibility.

Jake's recovery was long, and full of ups and downs, which I know I blogged about several times over our stay in Toronto.  I am overwhelmed and humbled by how great my God is - and know that it was his hand that guided the surgeon and other team members through his two month stay in recovery from the Norwood, emergency open heart, and pacemaker implantation.  I have learned the hard way, how to praise God in the storm.  The first verse and chorus of that song are perfectly written - it was as if it had been penned just for me in those moments...

I was sure by now

God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

[Chorus:]

And I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

Tonight we are celebrating Jake's first heartiversary, as it is known in the CHD community.   We even have a specially made half heart cake for our superbaby.  It was made by Cakes by Christa, and I highly recommend her if you need a cake for a special event! If you know a little about Jake's anatomy, you'll appreciate that this cake shows the left side of a heart which is Jake's normal sized ventricle.  Jake's right ventricle is hypoplastic, and very small, which is where the half a heart analogy comes from.

Happy Heartiversary sweet boy!