Monday, December 16, 2013


It's a snow morning here, and although Georgia's daycare is open I'm going to keep her home with me for the morning.  Jon is clearing the driveway, bacon and eggs are cooking, Christmas tree is shining, Jake is still sleeping, Georgia is watching cartoons and Momma is drinking coffee.  It's peaceful here.  Here we are in the window watching the very beginning of a big snow storm that would be rocking the house just a couple of hours after this picture was taken...Peace in the midst of the chaos and storm.  I am blessed beyond measure.

Yesterday was an emotional day, for a thousand small reasons and no big reason at all.  At church yesterday morning they sang that song "I have a Maker...He formed my heart" and I found  myself crumbling in tears and unable to sing the words.  Those around me in church may have wondered what brought on the waterworks - now you know :)  This has been a special song for Jake since his diagnosis during my pregnancy.  This holiday season I find myself caught in a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings - thankfulness that Jake has made it to his first Christmas, reflections on the last year, wishes for the new year, apprehension that Georgia will soon be 5 and starting Kinderstart, baby Sara still being in Cardiac Critical Care at SickKids, and so on.

Yesterday afternoon was the children's Christmas Musical, and Georgia was a part of the choir.  She refused to sing, or even to stand up for most of the musical and it got me to thinking about the year that Georgia has had.  It's been a rough one for a 4 year old.  Hey, it's been rough for a 30 year old so I can imagine how Georgia is feeling.  I had a moment of blind panic yesterday before the musical when Georgia wanted her father, who was parking the car, and decided to run outside of the church while I was hanging up her coat.  I have no idea what I did or said in those moments but vaguely remember yelling Move at someone who was at the door, and pushing open the door with such force that it banged against its hinges.  Running to Georgia I felt like her life was flashing before my eyes, and when I caught her I began to shake and shake.  Needless to say, Georgia was in big trouble after that stunt.....and I feel like  my heart is still racing from the experience.  Life is so fragile.  My baby boy is the usual cause of my panic attacks, but in this instance it was my beautiful, headstrong girl.  I'm so thankful that they are both safe and warm at home this morning.

This week Jake said his first words...3 of them!  It started with Momma, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that made my heart want to burst with pride.  The next day it was Dadda...and then "Ga Ga" which seems to be a reference to big sister Georgia.  Sweet little man.  It's a beautiful thing hearing those words come out of his sweet mouth.  I am trying to get a video, but the camera seems to silence him as soon as it turns on!

This is the beginning of a new week.  Jake's first RSV shot is tomorrow, and his latest sedated Echo is Friday morning.  I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and apprehension over the echo again - need to leave it all in God's hands, but at times I can feel the panic rising and need to stop and suppress it once again.  God gives us his peace when we take the time to seek it, and pause long enough to be be still and receive it.  In the rush rush rush of my life I often forget to take this time, and then find myself overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated...breaking down sobbing my in Mom and Dad's kitchen...I'm challenging myself to take the time to be still and listen to God each day.  The mess in the kitchen and the carton of milk waiting to be picked up from the store can wait for a few more minutes.

Isaiah 9:6
New International Version (NIV)

6 For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Happy Birthday, Jesus.

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