I am so thankful to God for keeping Jacob stable and happily still in utero, bringing him now to 38 weeks 3 days gestational age. Georgia was born at 38 weeks as well, so I am feeling alright with Jacob entering the world at this point. I am trying to center my worried and anxious thoughts on God and my faith in him, but at this point today my mind and heart are like a whirlwind - I can't seem to settle on one thought long enough to find comfort. That being said, I cannot wait to see the beautiful face of this little one. To be able to hold his tiny hand in mine, and tell him face to face how much his Momma loves him. To tell him that he is not alone, that he has a Momma, Daddy and Sister who love him. To tell him that he has a whole family waiting to meet him back in Newfoundland, and a community of friends who love and support him even though they have never met him. To tell him how strong and brave he is, and to touch his perfect chest before the doctor's give him his scars.
This morning I was telling a friend how scared I am feeling, and this wise heart Momma gave me the great advice of looking at the physical and emotional pain as being done for Jacob, and reminded me that it's minimal compared to what Jacob will be going through in his young life. Thanks for that reminder, I can do this for my baby boy. Like the song from an earlier post says:
"You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start
I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you"
To everyone reading this, and to those who have been praying for us - please find time in your busy mornings tomorrow to uphold Jacob in your thoughts. I am scheduled for the section at 11:00 am EST, so at 12:30 pm Newfoundland Time. Pray for a stable delivery, and a smooth transition from Mt. Sinai to Sick Kids. Pray for wisdom for the doctors and the single ventricle team who will be doing further tests and making final decisions in preparation for his open heart surgery. Pray for peace of mind for myself and Jon, Jacob's grandparents and his Auntie and Uncles in Newfoundland. Either myself or Jon will provide a short update at some point tomorrow.