Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The last day of my pregnancy...

I am sitting here in the hotel bed eating my french toast, and feeling completely overwhelmed by tomorrow.  Ever since my eyes opened this morning I have been unable to stop the tears.  It's 9:00 here, so at this time in 24 hours I will be registering at Mt. Sinai for my C-Section.  I have never in my entire life been this scared.  But I'm guessing that about a week from now when my baby boy goes into the operating room for open heart surgery that I'll be completely terrified compared with my feelings about tomorrow.

I am so thankful to God for keeping Jacob stable and happily still in utero, bringing him now to 38 weeks 3 days gestational age.  Georgia was born at 38 weeks as well, so I am feeling alright with Jacob entering the world at this point.  I am trying to center my worried and anxious thoughts on God and my faith in him, but at this point today my mind and heart are like a whirlwind - I can't seem to settle on one thought long enough to find comfort.  That being said, I cannot wait to see the beautiful face of this little one.  To be able to hold his tiny hand in mine, and tell him face to face how much his Momma loves him.  To tell him that he is not alone, that he has a Momma, Daddy and Sister who love him.  To tell him that he has a whole family waiting to meet him back in Newfoundland, and a community of friends who love and support him even though they have never met him.  To tell him how strong and brave he is, and to touch his perfect chest before the doctor's give him his scars.

This morning I was telling a friend how scared I am feeling, and this wise heart Momma gave me the great advice of looking at the physical and emotional pain as being done for Jacob, and reminded me that it's minimal compared to what Jacob will be going through in his young life.  Thanks for that reminder, I can do this for my baby boy.  Like the song from an earlier post says:

"You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you"

To everyone reading this, and to those who have been praying for us - please find time in your busy mornings tomorrow to uphold Jacob in your thoughts.  I am scheduled for the section at 11:00 am EST, so at 12:30 pm Newfoundland Time.  Pray for a stable delivery, and a smooth transition from Mt. Sinai to Sick Kids.  Pray for wisdom for the doctors and the single ventricle team who will be doing further tests and making final decisions in preparation for his open heart surgery.  Pray for peace of mind for myself and Jon, Jacob's grandparents and his Auntie and Uncles in Newfoundland.  Either myself or Jon will provide a short update at some point tomorrow.


  1. Lisa, I clicked on your blog from the Hearts of 4D Facebook page. First of all, I love Sanctus Real and I love that song. Written by a man who knows exactly what all us heart families are going through. I will definitely be praying for you tomorrow morning and in the weeks to come as you prepare for Jacob's first surgery. Is he having the Norwood or Hybrid? Our 4 year old son Tyson is HRHS, Tricuspid Atresia who's had all 3 of his planned open hearts, as well as numerous caths...doing fairly well from a cardiac stand-point. We are currently in our local hospital with him, he was admitted on Sunday morning with pneumonia. I don't think he needs to be transferred to Sick Kids at this point, as he's fairly stable here, but we definitely will be heading there shortly after he goes home to be followed-up in cardiology. I'd love to meet you when we get there. We will keep in touch. Hope you can get some sleep tonight. Jacob is in great hands, but most of all, he is in the hands of the Great Physician. All the best! Melissa Kottelenberg

  2. Lisa, I also clicked on your blog through Hearts of 4D. My son William, who is 4 years old has single ventricle anatomy and has had his Norwood, Glen and Fontan plus several caths at HSC. In fact, his second surgery was the same time that Tyson (who's mom posted above) had his first surgery. Will is doing really great - you really would have no idea what he's been through if you hadn't been told and didn't see his scars. I read through your blog and it brought back lots of emotions and memories. I just wanted to encourage you and let you know that another heart momma is praying for you.

  3. Lisa-
    I linked through to your blog through a mutual friend's link on Facebook: you and your hubby and sweet baby Jacob, and well as all the doctors, will be in our prayers tomorrow. Our God is an awesome, sovereign God...He loves our children more than we can possibly fathom! We'll be praying for a safe, uncomplicated birth for little Jacob, and that you and your husband will feel the Lord's presence and peace all around you.